Whether you make a new friend depends on four primary elements:

People Sources Time Meetings

People Be clear about the kinds of people you like and who are likely to like you.

For example, I tend to get along well with outgoing people whose careers were more in small and mid-sized companies than large ones. I enjoy talking and listening as a primary activity. Not everyone does, so I naturally gravitate toward more gregarious people.

My wife Renna prefers people who are upbeat and energetic, even though she herself is mostly quiet and reserved. Manners matter a great deal to her.

Golf or pickleball are not personality traits. They are activities, which we'll address later under Meetings.

Sources Sources are where you meet people.

Spend some time thinking about where your current friends came from: school, work, neighbors, activity groups, or friends of friends.

My friend Gordon once said, "All of my friends I've had since high school or college."

I replied, "I have good news and bad news. You're good at keeping friends, but you haven't made a new friend in 45 years."

The latter scares me more than the former impresses me.

People move. Friendships fade. People pass away. We always need to be adding new friends to our lives.

Invest some of your spare time in activity groups and topic groups where you can meet new people. It sounds obvious, but you can only make a new friend from a stranger.

Find strangers with good potential fit and become a regular. People often want to see you show up two or three times before they invest in getting to know you.

If you meet someone and the vibe feels right, ask for their number.

I often use:

"Let's hang out sometime. What's your number?"

It almost always works.

An even more direct approach is:

"Want to get lunch next week or the week after? What's your number?"

After I get the number, I send a quick text:

"Erik. Met Tony at Mike's party. Good meeting you."

If you want to accelerate the process, become an organizer or host your own events. Just be prepared for a much higher level of energy expenditure.

Time People are busy. You are probably busy too.

Making friends takes time, so intentionally allocate a few hours each week to meeting strangers and following up with new contacts.

Watch a little less television and build social activities into your normal routine.

You might even combine exercise with friendship by going for walks, hikes, bike rides, or dance classes with new people.

Meetings One-on-one meetings are where comfort and trust are built.

They help us learn whether people are reliable and punctual. They allow us to discover shared interests and compatible personalities.

One thing I pay attention to is whether the other person initiates some of the time.

If I have to do all of the initiating and planning, the relationship is unlikely to become a close friendship.

Lack of initiation is easier to tolerate in older friendships because the bond was built and fortified in an earlier era.

Putting It Together

Those are the four main elements of making friends:

People Sources Time Meetings

These four pillars are also the foundation on which FriendLens was built.

Now that you have the roadmap, give the product a try. Better yet, use it weekly while you're actively building friendships.

Friendship isn't something that happens by accident. Like fitness, it improves when you approach it intentionally.