When we think about friendship, we usually think about companionship, happiness, or emotional support. Those are important, but I believe they overlook one of friendship's greatest gifts.

Some good friends build your competence.

Competence is the skill and confidence to do something well. Throughout our lives, friends introduce us to new skills, new experiences, new opportunities, and new ways of seeing the world. They don't just make life more enjoyable. They expand what we are capable of becoming.

Looking back, I can trace much of who I am to a surprisingly small number of people.

My first and best friend is Jeff. We met when I was three years old. He was six months older, bigger, stronger, and better at almost everything that required coordination. He taught me to throw a ball, play sports, swim, and decades later, wake surf. More importantly, he made physical challenges feel attainable. Jeff gave me traction to build my physical competence.

Marvin, my mother's cousin, was forty years older than me. He loved art, music, travel, and community service. Through him I discovered museums, collecting art, and appreciating culture. Marvin gave me traction and built my cultural competence.

After I was forced into retirement, my friend Mark sent me a simple email containing a link to California's unclaimed property database. That one gesture eventually became the foundation of a company that now recovers millions of dollars for its clients. Mark gave me traction for my professional competence and a successful startup.

A few years ago, I realized my social life was underperforming. I had only two local friends and no real means for making more. So I began treating friendship as a skill. I studied it, experimented, hosted events, introduced myself to strangers, and kept refining my approach. Today I have more than fifteen close local friends. I found my traction and built my relational competence. And I see a purpose in sharing that with others.

These experiences made me realize that most of us spend our lives developing competence across six major domains:

• Physical

• Intellectual

• Creative and Cultural

• Professional and Financial

• Spiritual

• Relational

None of these develop in isolation.

Friends teach us to cook, invest, paint, start businesses, host dinners, communicate better, travel farther, volunteer, pray, dance, sail, and lead. Sometimes they teach us directly. Sometimes they simply invite us into their world. Sometimes a single conversation changes the course of our lives.

The loneliness epidemic isn't just reducing happiness. It is reducing opportunities for growth and comptence.

A primary benefit of friendship is lifelong comptence development. We continue building one another for as long as we remain curious enough to learn from the people around us.

Every good friend can teach you something that becomes part of who you are.